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"Singularly distasteful."

The Parents Television Council on Adam Lambert's American Music Awards leash demonstration? Close. The Sept. 16, 1956, New York Times on Elvis Presley's hip-censored Ed Sullivan performance.

If our outrage over rock stars is nothing new, then neither are our rock stars. From Elvis' pelvis on down, they are nothing if not dedicated to sex, more sex, the next new single, which is probably about sex, and ticking off people who prefer their s-e-x to be not so explicit, thankyouverymuch. 

Criticizing Lambert for what he did, smooched and pawed at the AMAs is like criticizing that Paula Deen lady on the Food Network because she made something with butter: It's what they do.

And the other night, Lambert did his job very well.

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From Argentine tango to Viennese waltz, the final round of Dancing With the Stars had a little bit of everything.

Finalists Mya, Kelly Osbourne and Donny Osmond danced three times apiece on night one of the ABC hit's two-part finale, which will culminate tomorrow with one of these endearing celebs being crowned queen or king of the ballroom.

Though neither Donny nor Mya has ever been in the bottom two (or three) and Kelly and her can-do attitude have obviously developed quite the following, voters' loyalties may well have shifted during the course of the evening thanks to the hit-and-miss nature of the routines.

We always expect the anything-goes freestyles to be especially exciting...so perhaps that's why we're even more let down when they fail.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. First came a Latin round. Then they did a group Mega-Mix, in which all three couples performed the same Viennese waltz, samba and jive choreography simultaneously.

We broke it all down for you:

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Kate Gosselin never wanted it to be this way. But since it is this way...

Having to shut down its cash cow thanks to Jon Gosselin's gripes, TLC made sure that its litigious former star ended up looking like the greater of two evils on Monday's series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8.

"They don't know about girlfriends at all," Kate said, referring pointedly to her kids' knowledge of Jon's off-and-on significant other, Hailey Glassman.

"That's just too warped for them, too unhealthy for them to know. They're learning at this age by watching us what it's like to be an adult ,and that's the last thing I want them to know. But I really just think that relationship is a situation that's just a symptom of the real issue, so…I don't envision a future there involving my kids at all."

Zing!

So while Jon talked about doing what he has to do to be friends with Kate, be a good dad and maintain his relationship with Hailey, his estranged wife was busy nipping that last part in the bud.

When they weren't busy repeating themselves for the cameras, Kate took six of the kids to an organic farm, where they pet kittens and milked cows, and everything was wholesome and lovely! Meanwhile, even raising money for firefighters, Jon just couldn't win.

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Timbaland says he's got nothing but love for Chris Brown, despite the fact that Brown is now an ex-contributor to the MC's latest album.

"The decision was a mutual decision since both artists were at the time working on their solo projects," a rep for Timbaland tells E! News in response to a TMZ report that Brown's vocal on "The One I Love" was dropped due to all the "drama" in his life.

"Chris is a friend to us," the rep says.

Neither version is particularly far-fetched, but that's the official word.

Another rapper on the track, D.O.E., told TMZ that the tune was originally titled "Maniac," but was changed to "The One I Love" because of Brown's involvement.

Timbaland's latest solo effort, Shock Value II, is due out Dec. 8. Brown's new album, Graffiti, drops the same day.

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Get a load of the latest videos in both Chris Brown and Rihanna's repertoires right here.

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Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom finally have a roost to call their own.

E! News confirmed Monday that the newlyweds have purchased a seven-bedroom home in Tarzana, Calif.—pretty close to Kris and Bruce Jenner's abode in Calabasas—for close to $4 million.

In addition to sleeping quarters for all of Khoé's siblings and a few Lakers, the Mediterranean-style manse has nine bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, a gym, a theater, a pool and spa, an outdoor cooking space with two fridges and a barbecue pit, and a driveway that can fit around 15 cars.

We're just going to assume that high ceilings were a prerequisite.

Not bad for a first home as husband and wife—and they even got a deal! The price had recently been reduced by a million dollars due to the real-estate-unfriendly economic climate.

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While we wait for a Khloé at Home gallery, check out Khloé on the Karpet.

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Do Leona Lewis and Vivienne Westwood have some sort of exclusive fashion agreement? Or is the singer just gunning for Pamela Anderson's modeling gig?

Leona has worn the British designer's creations on the red carpet three times in November alone! First were these sequined harem pants. Then, just last night at the American Music Awards, she wore the same friggin' bodice that she sported at MTV's Europe Music Awards!

We're all for designer devotion. But. Come. On. Switch it up a bit, girl.

Still, the leather bodice makes for one sexy getup. We like the longer, custom-made version better. The added tulle is much more dramatic.

Which version of the dress do you prefer? Vote now in the Style Showdown gallery! 

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Check out more fashion statements from the 2009 American Music Awards.

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To get at the truth, the family of Kandi Burruss's late fiancé is looking to raise the dead.

A.J. Jewell did not have sickle-cell anemia, according to a spokesman for Jewell's relatives, who have requested that a second autopsy be performed by a private coroner to clear up any inconsistencies surrounding his death last month from a head injury sustained in a fight outside an Atlanta strip club.

Results are expected in about two weeks. The Real Housewives of Atlanta fixture was laid to rest over a month ago.

The Fulton County medical examiner ruled Jewell's death a homicide, and the other guy in the fight, Frederick Richardson, has been charged with voluntary manslaughter.

But Jewell's family disagrees with the finding that sickle-cell anemia aggravated his injuries.

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Natalie Portman knows from fanboys. First, there were the Star Wars prequels. Now, there's Thor.

So what exactly attracts an Oscar-nominated actress to comic-book fare? A love of Norse mythology? Beefy blond guys twirling hammers? A potential franchise? Not quite.

"I just thought it sounded like a really weird idea 'cause Kenneth Branagh's directing it," Portman said during the weekend junket for her much more highbrow flick, Brothers.

"And Ken Branagh doing Thor is super weird. I've got to do it."

She's in good company. Portman will star alongside Chris Hemsworth (as the hammer-wielding god of thunder), Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgård and Stuart Townsend. Filming starts in January for a 2011 release.

The decidedly less weird Brothers, with Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal, hits theaters Dec. 3.

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Thor isn't the only flick stocking up on A-listers. Check out our Casting Couch gallery now!

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Tobey Maguire is still Spider-Man. And that ticks off Jake Gyllenhaal.

See, Gyllenhaal almost took over the superhero role in 2003 when Maguire's bum back had him sidelined. Maguire healed. Gyllenhaal still stews.

"People have very often said to me that I look like Tobey," Gyllehaal laughingly told us at the weekend press junket for their new film, Brothers, in which they play—yes—brothers. "To all those cab drivers in New York, I'm not Spider-Man!"

As for the guy who is Spidey, Maguire insisted there's no ill will between him and Gyllenhaal over the near-replacement in the big-bucks franchise.

"I got really excited about the idea of working with these guys [Gyllenhaal, costar Natalie Portman and director Jim Sheridan]," he said of the new Oscar-baiting sibling-rivalry drama, due out Dec. 3.

But inquiring minds really wanted scoop on Spider-Man 4. And this is what Maguire told us.

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They fought the law and the law won some and lost some.

After about 12 hours of deliberations, a jury found Ohio lawman Barry Carpenter guilty of receiving stolen property, theft in office and tampering with evidence in connection with a break-in at the home of the surrogate who carried Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's twin daughters to term.

Carpenter, who's been suspended from his post as chief of the Martin Ferry Police Department, was acquitted of burglary and unauthorized used of property or services. He had been accused of breaking into Ross' place in May to rustle up some pregnancy info to sell to the tabloids.

Ross testified last week that she noticed that her belongings had been pawed through, plus ultrasound pictures and some tax documents were missing. A paparazzo ultimately informed her of the scheme, she said.

Carpenter admitted to being in Ross' home, but only because he saw a door open. While inside, he testified, he took photos of Ross' surrogacy file containing ultrasound pics and a plaster cast of a pregnant stomach and later showed them to paparazzi.

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